Evil Overlord’s List #40 I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Ah, fall in Los Angeles, filled with the familiar scents of pumpkin lattes, forest fires, and the not-so-subtle undertone of desperation seeping from nervous showrunners all over town.
These proverbial shifts in the weather signal the beginning of The Great New TV Show Hunt, wherein I set my sights on finding a shiny new story in which to lose myself. Each premiere offers up a bright and shining promise that all too quickly fades within moments of the series lead opening their pretty little mouth. All of this brings me to last Monday night when I, in my innocence, turned my attention to “Hawaii Five-O.”
It begins with promise: lush scenery and a tense moment, quickly followed by serious explosions. The hero, McGarrett, is a pretty enough piece of eye candy, but Anton, our villain, immediately arrests attention. Shackled, surrounded by grim-faced men with very large machine guns and on his way to a secret military prison, Anton is obviously a prisoner, yet he radiates creeping menace, utterly stealing the scene.
It is revealed that this is the end of a protracted cat and mouse game the series lead has been playing with Anton and his brother, Victor. A mere 90 seconds into this interaction I’m muttering imprecations at the aforementioned showrunners, intimating 17 kinds of violence if they decide to kill off Anton, as he is such a compelling villain.
Victor chooses this moment to call McGarrett to let him know that he is now in possession of our hero’s father and he wants a prisoner exchange. McGarrett whines about not being able to negotiate, stalling for time. Meanwhile, Victor goes ahead and triangulates the convoy’s position using the call’s cell signal. A chopper swoops in, wreaking havoc on the convoy, prompting Anton to attempt his escape. Despite my firm warnings, 240 seconds into the episode, McGarrett shoots Anton quite dead.
Victor is, understandably, rather peeved at this turn of events and in return kills off daddy dearest. Setting up what could have been an interesting season arc. However, yes, you guessed it. McGarrett tracks Victor down and executes him before the end of the episode. Coincidentally, my interest in the show is now riddled with McGarrett’s stray bullets.
A good villain is hard to come by. Seriously, let me say it again. A good villain is hard to come by. A good villain with fascinating and personal ties to the hero is pure gold. If precious moments of a pilot are wasted setting up a face-off between two men who have each absolutely devastated each other only to have this tension squandered by ending their potentially epic confrontation with a few hasty bullets, I have nothing to say to you. It is a horrifying waste of story potential and in its first episode, “Hawaii Five-O” manages to kill off not one, but two fascinating villains.
Truly chill-inducing villains are a dying breed. So much focus has been cast onto the development of the hero that we’ve allowed our scoundrels to languish. This must end. We need antagonists who are just as fascinatingly flawed as our protagonists. We need characters who will raise the level of storytelling without resorting to the crutch of cliché. We need villains who will come screaming off the page, setting imaginations and worlds on fire.
Who will meet this challenge? Who will write the next great villain?
Who will rise up in defense of villainy?
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